Dear Universe….

Can you let up on the stress a bit. Everytime I turn around, your there. Waiting. With a whole new round of crap. I’m in the happiest place of my life, and everytime I begin to enjoy it, you silently smack me down again. When I try and explain it, I’m told not to worry, but I don’t understand that. Worry isn’t just when you sit down and allow those thoughts to swirl endlessly, it’s a means to a final destination of understanding and probable outcomes. My boss needs to stop being neurotic. I get it, I do.. it’s a job, and it’s his job and for awhile there when I mentioned it to people outside of work- they thought I was just being .. whatever… they think it’s me just being sensitive or what not but I recently took a chance a talked to someone else on my team, and found out everyone but one person on our team feels the same way. The other manager was out of town for the last week, and our manager was overseeing his team and turns out his team spent the entire week out of the office and praying that there manager would come back soon….since our mgr was constantly asking them if they had made a sale, what was going on, where they were…. etc. It’s retarded and all that does is screw up the flow. The thing bout outside sales is that we work best when allowed to work in our own rythem, there’s some days when all you want to do is spend time of the phone, or a mood will strike and you want to be out in the world meeting new people, or maybe it’s a paperwork kind of day, to be forced into someone’s else’s rythym is totally counterproductive. I wish I could explain it but I can’t … it’s too complicated unless your sitting there in the experience. However, it’s a stress that’s there when I go to bed and a stress that finds me as soon as I open my eyes. All I can do is my best, and it breaks my heart when it’s not enough. The bottom line is that there’s nothing to do about it. You just suck it up and keep rolling. I really wish I could just go put my feet in the sand, or feel the calmness of the ocean.. I think that might be part of what’s go me so misplaced feeling. There’s a constant hum of city around me, and there’s no escaping it. I have so much more to say but I’ll catch up later on tonight. In the meantime, lighten up a little bit there Universe. I understand that I’m a strong person and can carry alot on my shoulders, but every now and then can you just lift that fucking weight and let me be me. I am blessed with a childlike joy that right now, I feel like has been in hiding. Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of love and joy in my life, but it seems like everytime it peeks out and see’s a chance to run free- the giant munster of stress lurks behind the corner waiting to pounce. hha.. fuck, how dramatic does that sound. Can you tell I woke up dreading the work process. I love the product and am starting to like the people I work with, but we’re constantly being yelled out for things that make no sense. We’ve hit our numbers as individuals as well as a team, so the constant verbal beatings make no sense to me. I’ll be back tonight with way bouncey news, it’s just this change in my work environment that has me baffled.