Just another round

Of issues.
I mean.. I know that it seems like I just lurk around these parts waiting till I have something to talk about.. but truthfully, I rarely bitch about anything. I figure, unless I can change it… best just let it be. Plus that.. I’ve learned that no matter how many times you listen to others rant and rave….. they rarely will do the same for you or if they do… then I’m riddled with guilt for downloading on someone else… . OR.. it seems to shock them that the normally even kilter person is stark rambling mad. Anyway.. I’m not actually mad about anything, I’m just here to say that getting fat is a bitch. I’m still having a hard time with the scale increasing and knowing that there’s only so much that I can do without risking my health and the health of the baby. I’m used to clothes sitting a certain way, to dresses laying a certain way.. I’m used to a certain amount of attention.. which is totally vain to say, and believe me when I say that I’m the least vain person you’ll ever meet – but still…. Its … well … it’s complicated. I’ve never felt less attractive in my entire life. My confidence isn’t usually so … …. off balance and it’s a bit of a bummer when looking in the mirror as of late. How’s that for honesty, eh? I guess right now I’m just in one of those waves.. it will go away and I’ll be back into acceptance mode again, but tonight.. the big butt, the bigger belly… just isn’t striking me as hawt. It makes me laugh when people say that a woman is at her most beautiful during this time, and I really really can’t figure out where that idea came from. I feel like a float in a parade, my emotions are so close to the surface they can almost reach out and smack someone if they stumble too close into my personal space… I’m constantly exhausted. I don’t just mean, a yawn here and there kind of tired. I mean, there’s been a few times that it just wasn’t safe for me to be driving. If I close my eyes at a red light, there’s a chance that I’ll be down for the count… is THAT kind of tired. My brain is craving a good, hard workout…. but my body simply hasn’t the energy in it to even go for a walk. Which.. for the record, I’m stronger then this little bout if sleepiness… and this body will get up and go for a freaking walk. I mean.. it’s a walk for gods sake.. it’s not a 2 hour derby practice or 1.5 hour Muay Thai training. Come on already. Anyway… outside of the battlefield that is my brain lately, things are good. We’re getting ready to go out of town and have a few days at the beach, next weekend.. and I couldn’t be happier about that. We heard the baby’s heartbeat today again, which is always comforting. The next appointment is when we find out the sex… lately my mom’s actually been cool.. she’s still an oddball but I think I might have just finally accepted her and all her idiosyncrasies…. I’m not saying that she doesn’t do things that I find boarder line looney.. but she’s still my mom, so I guess I’ll just roll with it and be thankful for what I’ve got. Work is going well, and as always with sales.. it’s just an up-down life. Somedays you feel like the smartest, greatest, savviest person in the world… and those are the days you sell something haha.. the rest of the time your sweating it out waiting for the next high. For the most part though, I’m content. The house is great and I love being here. In fact…. speaking of being happy staying in… I had to check in with some of my friends to find out if they went through this whole reclusive phase during there pregnancies.. and they all said yes. Apparently it’s a nationwide epidemic of “Nesting” who knew. I guess that’s it for now. Layyyyyy-tah.