can’t get a break..

That’s not true, actually. There’s alot of good things to balance out the hard times… but right now, I’m so tired, so uncomfortable and so tapped out – that I haven’t any energy left to really pep myself up. i’ve been doing my best in staying up beat, focused, motivated and strong through out everything life has tossed at me over the last months and I feel like I’ve done a really good job… too good in fact… since when I end up having a rare down time, no one seems to know how to work with me on it. I just get quiet…. I don’t have the words to explain “what’s wrong” since there isn’t one isolated thing…. it’s just that occasionally, my energy reserves are tapped out and I’ve got nothing to offer. All I really need is just to be held, since there’s nothing anyway can say that will speed up the temporarily low feeling process.

The amount of physical discomfort has jumped from “doing ok” to feeling like someone has beaten me with a bat… and for a girl who’s been trampled down by bigger girls in skates, accidentally hit with fast flying baseballs & gone head to head with a guy in muay thai – saying that I feel pretty whipped is kinda a big deal.

The baby’s head has settled into my pelvic/ hip area…. which basically feels like a boulder has landed in said area. I can’t bend over without feeling the pressure… which if it wasn’t so uncomfortable, would be pretty funny… cause my little one must hate it when I bend down as well, since without fail he’ll haul off and sock me…. on a neat side note, he’s gotten big enough now that I can identify his little body parts as they move across my tummy… I can usually guess if it’s a knee, a tushy or a little elbow that’s pushing back against me. It’s pretty darn cute. Weird as all hell, but still cute-weird. Um.. like a gremlin, or a gnome… weird, but still cute.

We still haven’t worked out a name. I’m partial to Elias James & Elias Presley, those are my two favorites, the man is more into having Elias as a middle name.. one of the few that we’ve been able to semi agree on is Joseph Elias… anyway… i feel like we’re so close to squee being here that we should figure it out… pack a bag, put in the car and just call it a day. haha..

I dunno.. I think I’m gonna try and take a nap. I’ll be back.