People who haven’t watched a loved one go through dying… don’t really get it. Most people’s intentions are good ones, and for the most part, they mean it when they say there “sorry” for what your experiencing. I spend a lot of time trying to keep my real feelings under wraps, for fear of dumping too much on people who simply aren’t qualified to handle that level of grief. When I’m alone, the tears come…. the heart breaks, and I feel the tide of hysteria start to swell. How do you explain that to someone who has no idea how to help, that has no power to help alleviate that pain? I spent years being angry at my Mom.. for believing she made shit choices when I was young. For … Read entire article »

So… I’d like to go on record as saying that I don’t care how it may seem right now…. but I won’t always look like some slouchy housewife. I’m still trying to get a grasp on this baby thing, the lack of sleep thing, trying to eat right (when I have no appetite) and trying to work out when I can. If it was up to me, I’d go everyday… but lack of sleep slows down that process and of course, having someone at the house to watch the baby, is a major factor in that little game. Anywho.. my point was, the world should have some faith. For that… sauciness will prevail. I used to think that Carpal tunnel was a bullshit situation for pansies. Till now. I’ve … Read entire article »

In the 2 weeks of being an actual, full time mommy……. I learned that having something’s entire lively hood depending on you, can send you to the cliff of intensity… but once you’ve made that journey to the cliff, it doesn’t stop. You would think it would taper off slightly, given that you’ve reached the intended destination.. but it doesn’t. The worry, the lack of sleep, the borderline obsession over the babies health… all push you slightly over the edge. Once dangling from said edge, you simply exist there in an alternating state of balance. Sometimes you hang by a foot, a toe, a finger, the whole hand…. sometimes you end up in an unexpected free fall….. no matter how you look at it- your at the cliff, hanging over the … Read entire article »