PSA

So… I’d like to go on record as saying that I don’t care how it may seem right now…. but I won’t always look like some slouchy housewife. I’m still trying to get a grasp on this baby thing, the lack of sleep thing, trying to eat right (when I have no appetite) and trying to work out when I can. If it was up to me, I’d go everyday… but lack of sleep slows down that process and of course, having someone at the house to watch the baby, is a major factor in that little game. Anywho.. my point was, the world should have some faith. For that… sauciness will prevail.

I used to think that Carpal tunnel was a bullshit situation for pansies. Till now. I’ve had it since the last part of the pregnancy and it’s only gotten worse. Pain shoots up my arms when I move my thumb, bend my wrists, pick up the baby, a book, a plate, the towel.. you name it. I’m floored with how much pain it brings with it…. I’m just waiting for the next Dr’s appt & hopefully they can do something about it.

I’m working through the whole post partum blues and some heavy sadness about my mom. What a double whammy huh. The Dr’s wanted to add more medication for fear of this exact drop in emotional balance, but the one’s they wanted me on are proven to show up in your breast milk, and I feel like the whole breast feeding thing is hard enough.. let alone carrying guilt around for medicating my kid. the one thing I’m on currently, is actually baby friendly and recommended by OBGYN’s but I’m on such a low dosage that it isn’t considered “therapeutic” but I’ve been on a higher dosage, and sure- it works, but I was a little twitchy and had more anxiety. You know.. either way you look at it… your gonna get fucked somehow. I prefer to at least try and work through the issues.. but if it gets to be too much with everything, then I’ll look further into medicated help. For now, I’m just riding the waves and trying to be very aware of where my feelings are at. I’ve had more random moments of tears since having the baby, then I did the whole time I was pregnant. Then again, my Mom’s health has declined further now, then it was at that point.

I am so ready for the beach. I’m ready for a chance for me and the man to get away (at the right time, those kinds of things can’t be forced. If we went to early, it would be hard on us, leaving the baby and hard on his Mom, watching the baby… I think sometime next year would make the most sense) anway- doesn’t stop me from dreaming about being beachside, being in a bathing suit that I feel happy about, having some drinks and some laughs and just enjoying being…

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