Calling out Forrest

You know… out of left field recently, I had a sudden urge to reach out and smack the fictional character Forrest Gump. For one single, solid reason alone.. the comment about life being like a box of chocolates. I have no idea why the saying annoyed me this time around.. I mean, geeze… it’s a common, pop culture reference now and days, easily flowing off the tongue like any 2 bit blond joke. This time, however… when the saying crept it’s way into my noggin, I actually paused a moment to reflect on it, and low and behold, some previously unaware annoyance simmered in me… leading me to shout (silently.. which is an psuedo oxy-moron, I know, just roll with it) what the hell.. life is nothing like a freaking box of chocolates. It’s an all out brutal battle that wages war through out the entire duration of your life. With the biggest rub of all, waiting at the end of your timeline… since regardless how well you fought, how deeply you countered each universal lesson hurled your way, life still wins, and you still die. That’s the bitch.

Conversationally… aforementioned brutal battle doth not need to be all blood, guts and glory. It’s a metaphor of sorts, used loosely in it’s terminology. I simply mean, that …. well, life- for me, has been a neverending quest of survival, paying karmic debts and learning different ways to enhance my heightened sense of self-awareness (if I don’t say so myself.. which I did, so thereby, it must be true. I’m an enlightened genius amongst mere mortals haha- subtle eh) but after 34 years of a heated debate, and many more years of vigilance ahead of me, I feel pretty comfortable shrieking that life is nothing like a box of chocolates. I’ve never met a chocolate that made me think twice before leaping, or ponder… dare I say .. agonize over the next piece. I’ve never tasted a chocolate filled with regret, or sorrow or for that matter, passion. In fact, as I write this, I’m suddenly pissed off at the delicious tasty treats. Stupid chocolate, falling down on it’s one job of bringing me zen, yet delivering only um.. ahem… curvy thighs. Yeah, curvy. Sounds better then fat ass eh.

Anyway… my rant’s seemingly leading nowhere, and well, your probably right, but I think that after this last year, I’m a little sensitive to corny lines that try to sum up life’s Everlasting Gobster of experiences, emotions and issues. I’m constantly hearing little cliches like the Forrest Gump one, or the “it’s better to regret something you have done, then regret what you haven’t done”… its those little things that leave me wishing I could find the goody two shoes who introduced the concept to society and simply kick him. I’ve done somethings that I wish I hadn’t done, like diving off cliffs when I knew I was afraid of heights, but I rarely waste time regretting it. In my overly logical mindset, I jumped, it scared the piss out of me, but I made it through, end scene. The things I DO regret, however, run into a slightly deeper realm, of… well, how do I say this delicately, it’s the realm where I really fucking wish I hadn’t done it. Certain situations of found myself in, I could have lived my entire life without ever having visited that moment in time. Little white lies I told in my youth, the fights that I had with my Mom, the look of dissapointment on my Grandfathers face when I’d done something so blantantly disrespectful… all things I could have lived without experiencing. So there you go. I’ve stated my case plainly, with pictures, arrows and spirited conference. Granted, I did just waste a shitload of time arguing something so minute… which I guess, in turn, leaves me regretting that. HA… annnnd there it is… there’s the rub. Life isn’t exactly a box of chocolates, but it’s chock full of sick irony.

Well, now that I’ve gotten that mental load dumped off on the mighty interwebs, I have to say I feel a better. I’ve been going through this thing right now, where it’s just been one major ephiphany after another, and quite frankly- I’m tired. I’m emotionally exhausted from a series of back to back realizations…. and I think it might be safe to say that I’m a bit grumpy. All though, truth be told, I love moments like the one’s I’ve been experiencing for the last month.. it’s a sign to be the daily doldrums are changing and the tides are beginning to flow again. I’d rather have a sense of uprooting, and deal with those little AH HA moments that life gives you…. then feel like I’ve just hit a spiritual wall in the path of personal growth. To be fair though, just cause I buy the ticket and ride the ride, doesn’t mean I have to like the fucking process. Self reflection is always a doozy.. it’s the proverbial papercut with life playing the role of the lemon.

Well, I could go on, and believe me, I would LOVE to… but I have a feeling that I should go back inside and socialize with my little family. I’m sorta dragging my feet on that idea though, since I’ve been going through a sense of feeling too antsy for our little apartment right now, and between me and the Man, who are by nature, large personalities… when you throw the equally sizeable presence of a tiny toddler… the walls can close in on you a lot quicker then you expect. they must be ninja walls… that’s the only explanation for the rapid, stealth like way they sneak up on me. I’ll have to sleep with one eye open from now on… see if I can pick up on some of there skills. ha

Funny kid.