Rabble Rabble Rabble

For pete’s sake…..

My blogging guru and I have been back and forth trying to sort out the issues with the formatting on my page… which suddenly, feels like it’s the most important thing I’m dealing with at the moment haha… I guess that age old saying of not knowing what you have till it’s gone, is proving it’s accuracy after all.

I didn’t realize, during my writing sabbatical, just how closely intertwined I had become with my little site here.

Anywhoo… on to daily news.
I’ve accepted a job with a local, online publication here… working as a Blogger and Marketing Assistant. I’ve got to say, I’m incredibly excited to be writing again, but a little nervous too….. I was explaining to my sister recently, that it isn’t so much the work aspect that’s daunting, but more of the fact that for the last year.. I haven’t had to change out of my yoga pants… and my daily conversations have revolved around a tiny dude who poops in his pants. So.. not only am I going to be held accountable for deadlines, commentary and productivity… I have to actually get dressed and socialize with the world at large. A part of me is a little nervous over any potential, conversational slip ups… I have cartoon images floating through my head at night, that involve me getting side tracked mid conversation with a bonafide adult… and busting out some tidbit about the lack of productive poops my toddler is experiencing….. in yet another scenario, I breeze into the office or an interview, feeling saucy in my freshly applied makeup and real-world clothes, only to find that there’s spit up on my shirt, my hair is sporting a giraffe sticker and there’s a wet wipe stuck to my shoe.

At the same time, I’m grateful for a chance to be starting the next chapter in our lives here. We’ve been doing everything we can to provide a stable, loving home for our son, and a peaceful haven for The Man and I to escape life in. As of this date, we’ve done an exceptional job…. and in truth, the majority of that credit should really go to the Man, since from the moment Elias was born, he stepped into the biggest, most demanding role of his life… and outside of a few outburst, he’s done it with a grace and a passion, that I could only dream of having. Ironically, during the last year… I feel as though the majority of my mental energy, emotions and what not… has cycled between caring for the baby, and bemoaning my own issues. The loss of my Mom, the loss of my additional income towards the family, my own loneliness over being a Stay-At-Home Mom… and well.. I wish I could say that my sullenness stopped there… but humbly, I have to say, it went deeper and even more superficial that what I’ve admitted too. I was grumbling over not being able to get back on a Derby team, or not being able to buy something pretty when the mood struck…. all the while, the Man, had sacrificed an enormous amount of his own freedoms and wants, in order to pay the bills, put food on the table, AND keep me happy. At this point, I can only be thankful that I’ve realized NOW… just how much I’ve neglected to ADD to our families well-being.. rather then allow my selfishness to continue on any further. I take some comfort in knowing that the events that sent me spiraling into self-pity… we’re at least real issues… (recap: I’ve moved 5 times, in 3 different states in 2 years… I got a great job, got pregnant, got married, had baby, my position at work was filled while on maternity leave.. burying my Mom, dealing with a newborn baby (with zero kid experience), the hormones of birth tempered with the emotional grief of loss…. then moving again) So, at least I have some peace in knowing that those events would immobilize anyone, regardless how down to earth you are or not…. it’s big stuff… BUT.. I think the number thing I’ve learned through all of this, is that .. no matter how much it hurts, or how great the grief is… or even how overwhelming any turn of events may feel…. You don’t die. You may feel like the weight of these things SHOULD kill you…. but it doesn’t. That’s the bitch of it all. It’s like the Universe’s way of saying… shits hard kid… but suck it up… cause tomorrow’s coming regardless. It’s almost as though Life is giving you a silent ultimatum…… somewhere.. .in it’s own language, life is telling you that tomorrow is happening no matter how you choose to face it. You go can with class and face each day, or you can choose the easier option, which is apparently the route I went… which is to simply freeze all rational thought and react only on feeling.

Baby is up, gotta motor.